I really just wanted to write something mindless. Something simple and dirty, sort of along the lines of my early stuff where every caption was a taunting mistress.
But I wasn't in that place today.
In fact, I haven't been in that place in a long time. The last time I did anything along those lines was "Voices" and that was three weeks ago. I got close to writing one last night. But about halfway through it I looked at what I had written and threw it away. It was something that had been done countless times before by both myself and every other caption creator, and I couldn't stand putting another throw-away caption out into the world.
I look at the numbers, I know exactly the kinds of captions that get the most pageviews. But the past couple of days, every time I've sat down to write one of those kinds of captions, the kind that I used to love and were the reason I started doing this in the first place, I just couldn't. Sometimes I feel like I've reached my peak, that I'm trying to push too hard for depth in a genre that, at least as it relates to me personally, is primarily a fetish.
Who knows, maybe tomorrow I'll wake up and be able to turn out mindless smut again. And should that happen, I'll be thrilled, as I used to genuinely enjoy creating those kinds of stories. But right now I just can't. Sorry that this was kind of a downer. Hopefully I'll be back to my normal sarcastic self before long.
GAH! This is a good "GAH"...I'm impressed how dark you made this one, I love the way you use the introspection...the self reflection shattering and cutting her with its jagged edges.
ReplyDeleteThis image has been used a looooooot but none better than this.
Thank you. And I know that this image has been used by many captioners before me, but the story just started to form so easily and clearly that I couldn't pass up the opportunity.
Deletei don't think the caption it self is a downer. Sure, it touches on some deep, dark emotions. But you capture it so perfectly, it became something else entirely. I love that you posted it, even if it wasn't exactly what you hoped, or wished you could put out now-a-days.
ReplyDeleteBut to me, the story is everything and this one just nails a side of all of this wish fulfillment that you rarely, if ever, see in other captions. To me, it almost feels like a play on someone reading the caption it self, and getting a few fleeting moments of something they, them selfs would love to experience.
(at least when it comes to living on the other side of gender roles, and being loved for who they are. )
I think you should be very proud of this one!
Thanks. I was a little disappointed at first as this wasn't the type of caption I wanted to make, but as I was writing it I recognized that it was at least going to become something interesting which is why I carried it to completion.
DeleteShameful and dark, but sexy and profound.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you feel that you're in a rut and hope you recover, whether you continue to cap or not.
This cap is proof your work isn't suffering though. :)
I don't think there's any danger of me stopping to create new captions. It's more frustration that I can't seem to write in the style that both myself and this audience have come to expect on this blog. I'm glad you liked this one though, even if it is a bit of a deviation from the norm.
DeleteHey there is "Art evolution" over time. At least you still have ideas, unlike many of the tf media old people who have subsequently dropped out.
DeleteWow. I hate to say it, but if this is you striving toward and unable to reach your goal, I hope you never reach that goal!
ReplyDeleteA lot of caps, both clean and dirty, bring a smile to my face. Some will arouse me while others will send shivers down my spine. And some of those even make me think for a moment or two. But few rarely make me stop and really consider what I'm feeling. Do I feel sorry for the subject of this cap? Do I feel a kinship to the person in this cap. Would I want this to happen to me? Is this, or some variation of this, in my future? This cap made me do just that. And I have the feeling that I'll be thinking about it for some time.
I also think it would be too easy to just put this in the 'arouse and shiver' category. This is deeper... more meaningful. Sure, it's a sissy slut looking for temporary and fleeting approval after giving a BJ... but isn't this also a cap artist looking for temporary and fleeting approval after putting out a piece of work? Isn't this also an author looking for temporary and fleeting approval after writing out their own personal dark fantasies? Isn't this a role player looking for temporary and fleeting approval after succumbing to their character's desires and realizing that those feelings may go deeper than a mere fantasy role play? I think it is. I think this cap is anything but 'Empty'.
We all put ourselves out there. Maybe it's just a fantasy and maybe it's an impossible dream, but we change ourselves. We present ourselves as something... different. Maybe it's just presenting ourselves as an artist that specializes in erotic TG art. maybe it's presenting ourselves as a true and real sissy. But we do it to gain that evanescent approval.
I may just be in a 'deep thoughts' mood, but I think you've created something special here Rauk!
Thank you Caitlyn. You're right about this caption having a deeper meaning than just the literal story. As I was creating this I was focusing on two aspects of my own experience in the tg world.
DeleteThe first you already noted, of an author looking for approval and acceptance of his work. I've tried my hand at writing out in the real world with what you could call mixed success at best. But here, I feel like I can stand out, and that people genuinely like and value what I create, even if it's only for a few seconds of fantasy.
The second is my relationship with tg material as a whole, using this caption to explore my fear of how easy it is to lose myself in fantasy. I'm not saying that I'm scared of turning into this character, more that I'm scared of how many real life experiences I'm willing to sacrifice to explore this kink, locked in a room by myself as the world continues on without me. People are out doing things while I'm sitting here, creating and reading these little fantasies and then telling myself it's all worth it because of a combination of how good it feels and the validation I receive from my readers.
Don't get me wrong, it's not like captioning is all I do, I have other hobbies and interests. But sometimes when I think about all the time I spend working on this blog or "researching" what other captioners are doing I think that time would be better spent doing something more productive. I don't know, I've just been in a bit of a funk lately. Hopefully I'll get out of it soon.
Why is this dark? It may be that while many of us who create our various fantasy scenarios wish that we could become female and actually be female, the reality is that lurking in our subconscious is that not matter what we do, we remain men, and being truly desirable as a female is impossible to attain. So, when are deeply honest with ourselves, we know that to the extent we are accepted in our feminine form, we are merely a second class substitute for the real thing. And yet, we'll take it, if it is all we can get. Ugh! Rauk! What have you done? Such honesty hurts thinking about. Do a nice sissy cap next...
ReplyDeleteKisses,
Leeanne